We stop complimenting ourselves in childhood.
We are taught it is wrong to be haughty.
But screw that!
As adults, we put up with so much crap we should at least get to pat ourselves on the back once in a while. And I’m doing it now.
On Monday and Tuesday we held auditions for BOXES. We were lucky to have a ton of talented and motivated actors show up. They came prepared with 2 minute monologues and were extremely professional. As the director, I get to sit behind the table and watch them perform their hearts out. Kind of funny actually, because I have no idea what I’m doing. Sitting behind that table, holding their resumes and headshots, I was just as nervous as they were. I’m a recently emancipated government employee. I have no MFA and I haven’t directed anything in a decade. What made me think I could write, direct and produce a play? How could I be sure I would choose the right actors? Actors that would perform well? Work well with the entire cast? Show up (on time) for rehearsals? And if was lucky enough to get a good cast – would I give them the guidance they needed to pull off a stellar performance? I had just as many doubts and questions as I’m sure they had.
But somewhere in the middle of the process – everything just clicked. It’s the same for actors, when they stop reciting lines and genuinely become the character. When they are just ‘being’ and enjoying the delicious effortlessness of it. I had that moment. I wasn’t second guessing myself or worrying about how others perceived me (as I ALWAYS did on my previous job) I was just being me. And it felt awesome.